


Plot Twist

by JennaFlare



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Comedy, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Jealousy, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 19:09:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15914475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennaFlare/pseuds/JennaFlare
Summary: Mike and Josh are assigned as roommates their first year of college, and even though it's weird at first, they become friends. Everything is going just fine until a confession from Josh sparks a sudden, terrifying realization in Mike.





	Plot Twist

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so mad that the best lines in this fucking fic are from my sister. 
> 
> Beta'd by [Melenafrey](melenafrey.tumblr.com) and [my sister](dannirand.tumblr.com). also big shout out to my sister for dragging me into this rarepair hell. thanks for that, I love ya.
> 
> Please note that Mike expresses some inaccurate views on sexuality in this fic.

This was it, Mike thought. A giddy feeling rose in his chest as he hovered his mouse over the e-mail from his school. The subject line, “ _Roommate Assignment,_ ” had Mike’s heart pumping the moment he laid eyes on it. This beautiful, magical e-mail contained the name of his (hopefully) new best friend, and as eager as he was to open it, he savored the excitement for a moment. University was going to be amazing. No parents. Living on his own. 8 AM classes every other day instead of daily. There were no downsides here. And best of all, a roommate. Mike had good luck in all things, so he was certain that his roommate would be everything he was hoping for: fun-loving, smart, maybe a bit of a party animal, and chill.

“Here we go,” Mike said, and opened the e-mail. He skimmed through the introductory bits until he got to the important part.

“ _Your roommate: Joshua Washington_

 _E-mail:_ _thirtygoddamndicks@gmail.com "_

Mike stared at the name.

“No,” he said. “Joshua is a pretty common name. So is Washington. There’s no way it’s Josh. No way.”

He closed his laptop, needing a moment to convince himself that his luck _hadn’t_ finally run out. There was no way that in the huge school he was attending that he had somehow ended up roommates with Josh of all people. He didn’t hate Josh, but they had never been much more than people with mutual friends.

It was about twenty minutes of stewing later that Mike got a text from Josh.

“ _So this is weird, right?_ ”

No, Mike thought. This wasn’t weird because there was no way that Josh had actually ended up as his roommate. This was a weird coincidence. It had to be.

“ _What is?_ ” Mike replied. Josh’s response was quick.

“ _Haven’t checked ur email yet? We’re roomies, bro._ ”

“No,” Mike whined. He didn’t whine to Josh, though, opting instead to say,

“ _Why is that your e-mail?_ ”

Josh replied with a link to a video Mike vaguely remembered watching in middle school. Then,

“ _Chris & I are looking into how to change roommates _”

Well, at least he and Josh were on the same page. It would have been immensely awkward if Josh had been excited to live with Mike. He let himself fall back into dreaming up his perfect roommate. Josh and Chris would tackle this issue with their combined balls (Josh) and nerdiness for paperwork (Chris), and Mike could get the university experience he craved.

He and his roommate would be best bros, for sure. Not necessarily the same major, but they would have a lot in common and maybe have friendly competition over girls. They’d party together, study together, and it was going to be great.

He should have known better than to let himself get carried away again.

“ _Yo nvm. I’d have to tell admin that ur like a serial killer or a tory to let me switch. Looks like we’re stuck w each other Munroe_ ”

Mike and Josh talked a bit more before moving into their new shared room. Their exchanges were mostly short and done out of a sense of something like responsibility. If they were going to be living together, they should probably get to know each other a little better. It was strange; Mike knew things like what Josh’s favorite movie was and that Josh wasn’t a fan of hallucinogens (both things he knew merely due to proximity), yet he didn’t really _know_ Josh very well. Their sporadic texting didn’t really change much.

Mike and Josh moved into their dorm on the same day to make it into more of a bonding experience, but Mike and his mother got there first.

The dorm was small. Somehow, it seemed smaller than the lived-in dorms Mike had visited on tours. The lack of personalization made it feel cold and sterile, but Mike had brought plenty of posters to accommodate for that. He picked the left side of the room and dumped his bags on the bed.

“Are you excited, sweetheart?” Mike’s mom asked. Mike grinned over at her. Weird roommate situation notwithstanding, Mike _was_ excited. He was taking the first step into his adult life.

“Unbelievably, ma.” He stepped over to her and kissed her cheek. Right at that moment, the door opened and Josh stepped in.

“Aw,” he cooed. “Mikey the mama’s boy.”

Yep, this was going to end in disaster. Mike should have known better than to hope that it wouldn’t.

“Nice to see you, Josh,” Mike’s mom said, waving at Josh. “Your parents helping your sisters settle in?”

“Yup,” Josh said, tossing his backpack in the general direction of the right side bed. He missed, and the bag landed next to Mike’s feet. “They figured that I can handle myself, being the oldest and all.”

“Well, Mikey, you go ahead and start unpacking and I’ll grab the rest of your stuff from the car, okay?” Mike nodded and she kissed him on the cheek, waving goodbye to Josh as she left the room.

“Not a word,” Mike said, pointing at Josh. Josh just grinned at him.

“I already said my piece.”

The first few weeks of living together were pretty awkward for both of them. Like their texting, they tried to talk to each other, but something failed to click and the conversations stagnated and died. For a while, when they were both in the room together there was nothing but awkward silence broken by stilted conversation until one of them found an excuse to go out.

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon a month into their first semester that they started to bond. Josh was glum because Chris had gone to visit his family for the weekend, and he was lazing around their dorm like a sad sack, watching horror flicks and probably wishing Chris was there to watch them with him. Mike had been out most of the day with his mom, who lived just an hour from the school. When he came into the room, Josh perked up and then visibly deflated.

“I know, I know,” he said. “I’m not Chris, and it’s disappointing for everybody.”

Josh shrugged and moved the laptop from his lap to the bed and stood up. He walked to his desk, where he started rummaging around, looking for something. A woman’s scream came from the laptop, and Mike raised an eyebrow at Josh.

“What’re you watching?” he asked.

Josh smiled, a little sheepishly. “ _Devil_.” He pulled tangled headphones out from the mess of his desk and started to work at untangling them.

“Is that the one where they’re trapped in an elevator and one of them is the devil?”

Josh hunched his shoulders a bit and shrugged. Mike realized that this was possibly the first time he’d seen Josh look embarrassed. Josh’s ears went a little pink, and the sheepish smile broadened. “Yeah. It’s really bad. I’m only watching it ‘cause Chris and I had a... disagreement during a debate about one of the characters. It’s a dumb movie, but now I’ve gotta prove myself right.”

“You don’t gotta explain yourself to me. I _love_ bad movies,” Mike said with a cocky grin.

Josh paused, headphone jack hovering above his computer. “Would you wanna… watch with me?”

Mike was surprised by the invitation. He and Josh didn’t really hang out with each other when they were both in the dorm. They usually just avoided eye contact and looked for an excuse to go out. They didn’t dislike each other, but for whatever reason, their interactions just always felt so awkward. Years of running in the same social circles had taught them that avoidance was, if not the most _mature_ course of action, certainly the tactic that involved the least drama.

“Sure,” Mike said, not letting himself overthink anymore. He sat down next to Josh on Josh’s bed. It was the first time he’d ever done so. Josh placed the laptop between them, and glanced up at Mike with a nervous smile.

“It’s, like, _really_ bad,” he warned. Mike smiled at him.

“I’m, like, totally into that.”

After that day, Mike and Josh actually hung out with each other. Josh introduced Mike to what he considered “quality cinema” (he claimed _Devil_ was an outlier), and Mike convinced Josh to watch the terrible movies he usually pretended to be too pretentious for. Josh, despite Mike’s protests, came to refer to Wednesday’s as “stir fry-days” as they cooked together more often. The first time they got coffee together, Mike learned that Josh only drank black Tim Horton’s coffee with a disgusting amount of sugar. Mike couldn’t see the appeal.

Everything was totally normal, and actually pretty great. Mike had gotten the friend he had been hoping for. It just so happened to be someone that he already knew.

Things stayed great, for a while. An entirely ordinary, grey, drizzling evening in mid-November marked a shift. Mike had just returned from another visit to his mother, and he was telling Josh about it. When he had concluded the story about how his mother had gotten their waitress’s number at lunch, Josh nodded thoughtfully.

“So, your mom’s gay,” Josh said. It sounded like he had a follow-up, but he said nothing and stared intently at Mike.

“Uh, yeah. You guys have all known that since ninth grade.”

Josh nodded. “No, I mean, that's just, you know. It's cool. Especially that you're so cool about it. You're a cool guy, Mike.”

“Uh, thanks? I mean, I'm not a homophobe.” He narrowed his eyes at Josh, who was still just kind of nodding and no longer making eye contact.

Josh opened his mouth, closed it, opened it, and closed it again. Finally, he said, “Yeah, it's just. Cool.”

Mike rolled his eyes and folded his arms. He leaned over, trying to catch Josh’s eye. Once he had, he said, “There something you wanna tell me?”

Josh worried his lip and looked down at his lap. He twiddled his thumbs. “Nah, it’s cool. Forget it.”

“It's okay if you're in love with me,” Mike said. “I'm _irresistible.”_

Josh scoffed. “You wish, Munroe. No, I’m — well, I’m seeing somebody, and I wanted to let you know they might be around sometimes. Keep an eye out for socks on the doorknob, you know?”

Mike smiled and nodded. “Of course, man, thanks for the heads up. But what’s that gotta do with me being cool with—“ he stopped as Josh lifted his eyebrows at him. “Oh,” Mike said, a high-pitched noise of understanding more than an actual word.

“Yeah,” Josh said. He watched Mike’s reaction closely, his eyes flicking across Mike’s features. Mike cast about for something to say because every second of silence extended Josh’s searching look.

“Okay, yeah, I mean, that’s — cool. Not that you need my permission. I mean — fuck.” Mike sighed. “I, uh, promise not to be so awkward in the future.”

Amusement erased the tiny lines of concern from Josh’s face and he nodded. “It’s fine, dude. Caught you by surprise, didn’t I?”

Mike’s lips twitched in an attempt at a smile. He felt restless and anxious and uncertain of what to say next. “Yeah, you really did. Is this… new?”

Josh laughed. “Never been with a guy before, if that’s what you’re getting at. Decided to give it the ol’ college try.” He winked at Mike, and the action twisted Mike’s stomach. Mike desperately wanted out of this conversation. He couldn’t pinpoint the reason, but his tension and nervousness skyrocketed every second that it went on.

“Good for you!” he said. He tried to come up with something to say that was about literally anything but Josh bringing men back to their dorm, but he came up empty. And now that he had gotten past the awkwardness of broaching the subject in the first place, Josh seemed intent on the topic.

“Yeah, and I’ve gotta say, I’m glad we were matched up as roomies.” He over-emphasized the word “roomies,” adopting an exaggerated, silly voice. “It was super weird at first, don’t get me wrong, but a lot of dudes wouldn’t be down with me bringing guys ‘round. Not that that would stop me.” Mike nodded robotically. “I mean, what could they do? Yell at us to stop fucking?” Josh chuckled at the mere thought, and Mike tried to join in. The laugh sounded hollow.

“Yeah, I’m glad you don’t have to deal with that,” Mike said. “Good thing you got me. I’m totally down with the gays.”

Josh snorted derisively. “Yeah, okay. You definitely sound like it when you say you’re ‘down with the gays.’”

“I just meant—“

“Relax, bro.” Josh playfully punched Mike’s shoulder with a lopsided grin. “I’m just busting your balls.” He rose from the bed and stretched before walking to his small wardrobe.

“Oh. Right,” Mike said belatedly.

Later, when he was alone, Mike had the opportunity to examine the churning in his guts. Staring into the mirror, he scrutinized his face, as if the answers were held somewhere in his features.

“What’s _up_ with you?” he asked his reflection. His reflection, of course, only stared back at him with questioning eyes as if to say,

“What’s up with _you_?”

Mike huffed, and his reflection huffed along with him. “Okay, so this started when Josh said he was seeing a dude. ‘This’ being that weird twisting in your stomach and a general sense of anxiety. What’s up with that, Mikey? I guess I was a little caught off guard, right? Josh has said a lot of explicit stuff about women in the years I’ve known him, so him being gay now was kind of surprising. Was he overcompensating? I guess he must’ve been. It just seemed so… genuine. Genuine objectification, not a gay guy playing at being straight. That’s gotta be what this is. I’m just. Adjusting to seeing Josh in a new light. A gayer light.”

He nodded, and his reflection nodded encouragingly back at him. This was clearly the situation. It would just take a little adjustment, and then things would be back to normal between Mike and Josh.

A few days later found Mike and Josh in their dorm’s communal kitchen, Mike chopping onions and garlic into impressively tiny and uniform bits while Josh poked at cubed chicken browning on the stove.

“I have _mad_ skills,” Mike said in reference to the food he was prepping.

“You know, cutting onions and garlic isn’t as impressive as you seem to think it is,” Josh said airily.

“Come on,” Mike said. “Like you could do any better.”

Josh glanced from the chicken to Mike’s cutting board. A sly smirk lifted one end of his mouth as he flicked his eyes up to Mike’s and said,

“You fucking bet I could.” He turned back to his chicken and ignored Mike’s incredulous scoff.

“Fine, let’s trade, then. You cut the mushrooms and I’ll take on the oh-so-tedious task of browning the chicken.”

“Yeah, I’m good here.”

“Chicken,” Mike said under his breath. Josh stopped poking at the meat on the stovetop. He half-turned to Mike without meeting his eye.

“What’d you call me?”

“You heard me. Chicken.”

Josh placed the wooden spoon on the counter, turned to face Mike fully, and held out his hand for the knife. Mike handed it to him wordlessly.

Mike didn’t watch Josh as he set to work cutting the mushrooms, wanting to give him privacy in what Mike knew would be utter failure. Josh was methodical in most things he did, but everyone in their friend group knew that Josh never cooked. Mike could only guess at what his kitchen knife skills were like, but based on the amount of “fuck”s Josh hissed as he cut the mushrooms, the outlook was grim.

“You okay there?” Mike said with as little amusement in his voice as he could manage.

“Yeah man, these ‘shrooms are looking great.” There was the soft _shhk_ of the knife, followed by a quiet, “God _damn_ it.”

Mike didn’t look at the mushrooms until it was time to add them to the sauce.

“What the fuck did you do to them?” he wheezed through the giggle fit that had struck him at the sight of the mangled mushrooms.

Josh deadpanned. “They’re still edible,” he said as he dumped them into the simmering liquid.

“Just ugly as sin,” Mike giggled. The deadpan stare Josh gave him had the opposite of its intended effect, and Mike laughed harder. “They’re so uneven!”

“Why mush you be so cruel?” Josh said, holding a hand to his heart for dramatic effect.

“Chin up buddy, there’s always ‘ _room_ to grow.”

Josh tilted his head quizzically and opened his mouth as if to say something, and Mike had the unique pleasure of watching as understanding bloomed across Josh’s face.

“Did… was that…” He looked at Mike as if for confirmation that Mike really had just made that joke.

“ _Mike_ drop,” he said. Instead of the eye roll his puns had always gotten Mike from Emily, Josh laughed.

“That is so bad,” he said, but he was still laughing, so it couldn’t have been _that_  bad. Mike told Josh as much. Still smiling and trying not to laugh, Josh said, “No, it’s _terrible_ , and you should be ashamed.”

Mike opened his mouth, a witty retort on the tip of his tongue, when someone called Josh’s name. Josh turned to the voice and smiled a rather devilish smile as his eyes fell upon a good-looking guy in a tank top and tight-fitted jeans. The guy walked up to Josh and Mike, but his eyes were fixed on Josh, and he drifted into Josh’s personal space casually.

“Hey Eddie,” Josh said, and his eyes raked lasciviously up the guy’s well-built frame. Mike’s mouth, still open, ran dry.

The guy, Eddie, spared Mike a quick glance before he said, “We still on for tonight?” Josh touched Eddie’s arm in what Mike recognized as a flirtatious move.

“‘Course,” he said. “Wouldn’t miss it.” Then, he leaned in and kissed the guy. Right there in the middle of the dorm’s communal kitchen. Mike turned away.

“I’ll see you later,” Josh drawled after an uncomfortable amount of time.

Mike turned back to Josh, taking in the way he bit his lip as he obviously checked out the guy’s ass as he walked away. Mike cleared his throat, and Josh tore his eyes from the guy’s retreating form. He looked a little dreamy.

“That the guy you’re seeing?” Mike asked, hearing the tension in his own voice. Josh’s smile was sly as he said,

“One of them.”

Mike’s gut twisted at the words, and his throat constricted such that he didn’t think he could sound normal if he tried to talk. Instead, he just nodded and turned back to their simmering dinner.

After almost a minute of strained silence, Josh asked, “You okay?”

Mike managed a clipped, “Yep.”

There was another long pause. “You sound kinda…”

“I’m fine.”

Their dinner was finished and consumed in near silence.

“Seriously,” Mike addressed his reflection later as he stepped out of the shower. “What’s your problem?”

He wasn’t sure when talking to his reflection (or dogs, or inanimate objects) when he was stressed had turned into a habit, but Mike guessed it was some time in middle school. His parents were getting divorced, his life was in complete upheaval, and though his reflection (or dogs, or inanimate objects) never had any answers, that also meant they couldn’t give him answers he didn’t like. Unfortunately, that left him to come up with his own answers.

“What’s the common factor here, Mike? What happened both times you got upset with Josh?” He took a deep breath, because the answer was staring him right in the face and he was afraid to really think about that possibility. Thinking about it, giving it a name, would make it _real_. “Well, the first time he was talking about bringing guys back to the dorm. And the second time…” His mind supplied him with the image of Josh leaning into that guy Mike had already forgotten the name of, and how before he had turned away, he had clearly seen Josh slip his tongue into the other guy’s mouth. His stomach clenched at the memory, and Mike realized that he was _pissed_ _off_.

“Oh my god I’m a homophobe,” he breathed, staring wide-eyed at his face in the foggy mirror.

One of the shower stalls opened, and the person that exited shot Mike a dirty look. He deserved it.

That night, he couldn’t sleep. Josh was out, probably with what’s-his-face, and the mere thought of them together made Mike’s blood boil. And then, he just felt ashamed of himself. How could he look Josh in the eye again, knowing what he knew about himself? Mike was scum. Awful, homophobic scum. He felt sick with how angry he was, and sick that he was angry at all. He tossed and turned for a few hours, wide awake in his anger and shame, until he finally decided he needed a distraction. He got out of bed, grabbed his computer, and logged into Shudder using Josh’s account. Josh had introduced Mike to Shudder when they first started actually hanging out. It was like Netflix, but all it had were horror movies, and it had a huge selection of both domestic and foreign films. Mike scrolled through the ‘watch it again’ section until he found one that he hadn’t seen. Something called _Lake Bodum_. Mike didn’t much care what he watched; he just wanted something to take his mind off of how terrible he felt.

About twenty minutes through the film, he heard the _click_ of the door unlocking. The door swung slowly open as Josh snuck back into the room. He paused when he saw Mike’s face illuminated in the glow of his computer screen.

“Oh, hey,” Josh said as he shut the door quietly. “Didn’t expect you to be up.”

Mike shrugged and kept his eyes resolutely fixed on the screen. “Couldn’t sleep,” he mumbled. Josh crossed the space from the door to Mike’s bed and plopped himself down next to Mike. Mike felt Josh peering at him with those big, curious eyes, but he didn’t meet the gaze. He just hoped Josh wouldn’t ask him why he couldn’t sleep.

“This is a good one,” Josh said, as if he knew that Mike didn’t want to talk about the source of his insomnia. Mike didn’t feel Josh’s eyes on him anymore, and he spared a glance at him, watching the blue light cast a ghostly pallor over his features. He could understand what people saw in Josh. He was good-looking. Mike’s glance wasn’t quick enough, and Josh’s eyes flicked back up to his. There was more than a bit of trepidation in his look, and Mike remembered their silent dinner earlier that night.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Mike said. “I just — I don’t know what got into me.”

Josh nodded slowly, eyes still fixed on Mike’s. “Sure,” he said, and Mike was certain in that moment that Josh knew the truth. Josh knew that Mike was a homophobic dickwad and a terrible friend, but his eyes shifted back to the screen and he said, “All’s forgiven.”

Josh was a better friend than Mike deserved. Mike stared at Josh, willing Josh to be angry with him. He deserved anger, not forgiveness. Josh had every right to be angry.

Josh’s eyes slid away from the screen again and found Mike’s. “You gonna watch the movie or stare at me the whole time?”

“Sorry,” Mike said, and looked back at the screen.

“I mean, I’m totally down to stare longingly at each other if you are,” Josh said, leaning a bit closer into Mike’s space. Mike could hear the shit-eating grin in his voice, and he rolled his eyes and scoffed.

“You’re pretty, Josh, but not my type.”

Josh sucked in a breath, and his next words were said much closer to Mike’s ear.

“You think I’m pretty?”

Mike brought up his shoulder, gently bumping Josh out of his personal space.

“Don’t be coy. It’s unbecoming,” Mike said.

They fell into silence, one that lasted long enough that Mike thought Josh was content to watch the film with him. After a few minutes of watching one of the female characters running through the woods, though, Josh spoke up again.

“Were you mad that I kissed Eddie in front of you?”

Mike’s stomach clenched. “No.”

Josh released an annoyed breath through his nose. “Okay then,” he said. Something about the way he said it made it sound like he had just made a decision about something. What the decision might have been, Mike couldn’t guess at and was too uncomfortable to ask about. Josh’s next words were some banal commentary about the film, something about how the original murders referenced in it had actually happened, but Mike barely heard him. He was still too caught up wondering what was going through Josh’s head.

The next day, Mike returned to his dorm from class to grab his laptop before heading to the library to work on a paper. He tried the handle, finding it unlocked. Josh must have been in, which was good, because Mike wanted to apologize for falling asleep on him the night previous.

He opened the door, and found a shirtless Josh on top of some guy Mike didn’t know. They were on Josh’s bed, lips locked and bodies pressed flush against each other. Mike stared. The guy slid one of his legs between Josh’s thighs, and Josh rubbed enthusiastically against it, moaning into the guy’s mouth.

Mike cleared his throat loudly.

Josh detached his face from the guy (not the same guy Mike had seen yesterday, he noted bitterly) and looked over at Mike.

“Oh, hey dude,” he said, as if he wasn’t lying half naked on some guy he was just dry-humping. Mike’s throat was tight, and he could feel the heat of combined annoyance and embarrassment in his face.

“You really should’ve put a sock on the doorknob, _dude_ ,” Mike said.

Josh grinned lazily and smacked the heel of his palm against his forehead. “Knew I had forgotten something. Good thing we were just getting going, huh?”

“Yeah,” Mike said. “Sure.” He marched, bristling, to where he had left his computer and bent to retrieve it.

“Your roommate is cute,” the guy underneath Josh said. Mike could feel his eyes on his ass and he straightened out, not looking at the shamelessly entangled pair as he made his way back out of the dorm.

“Yeah,” Josh agreed, “but he said I’m not his type.”

Mike slammed the door behind him. He stormed his way towards the library. He didn’t hear Sam calling his name until she caught him by the elbow. Mike whirled around to face her and snapped,

“What?”

Sam held up her hands and took a step back. Her face was a mixture of surprise and concern. “Just saying hey… What’s got you all dark and stormy?”

Mike sighed, and the anger went out of him along with the exhaled breath. He was left feeling drained and guilty. “It’s… stupid,” he said. He rubbed at the back of his neck and dropped his gaze to his feet.

Sam ducked her head to catch his eye. “You know you can talk to me, Mike. I’m not gonna judge you.”

Mike winced. If he had been mad about literally anything else, he would have believed her. But Sam was queer, and she would _definitely_ judge his homophobic ass. And rightly so.

“Come on. I’ll buy you a coffee,” she said. Mike didn’t deserve this kindness. He was about to say as much, but Sam beat him to the punch and said, “You just… really look like you could use someone to talk to right now.”

Mike just nodded, all the while hating how kind and gentle Sam was being with him when he deserved to be shunned. Most of all, he hated himself for accepting her kindness.

They walked a couple of minutes to the nearby on-campus Starbucks, and Sam ordered a tall blonde roast coffee for herself and a grande vanilla latte for Mike. Of course she knew his order. Stupid thoughtful Sam. She told Mike to find somewhere to sit while she waited for their coffee, and he did so without protest. He found an empty two-top in the middle of the busy coffee shop, and claimed it in the name of Samantha Giddings, the best person Mike had ever met.

It took a few minutes for Sam to return with their coffee, which gave Mike ample time to stew in self-hatred, something he wasn’t usually predisposed to. He was getting tired of it.

When Sam finally returned, she sat down and furrowed her brow at Mike in a sympathetic look.

“You look pretty rough, Mike. What’s going on?”

“Didn’t get much sleep last night,” Mike said. He wasn’t exactly eager to shatter Sam’s illusion that he was a decent human being.

She smiled, sad and full of sympathy Mike hadn’t earned. “Yeah, I don’t think I’ve _ever_ seen you with bags like that under your eyes. Not even when you’d pull all-nighters in high school to get more than your share of a group project done. What’s up?” Her voice was gentle and promised no judgement.

“I’m just… trying to figure some stuff out right now. Some stuff I hadn’t really realized before.”

Something like understanding washed over Sam’s face, and she said, “ _Oh,_ okay,” as if she knew exactly what Mike meant, which was impossible. If she did know what he meant, she wouldn’t still be so god damn understanding. “If you want to talk about it, I’m always here. But I won’t pry. Sometimes you gotta figure this stuff out on your own.”

Mike blinked at her, certain now that she was _grossly_ misunderstanding the situation somehow.

“Yeah, I guess,” he hedged.

“You sounded pretty mad earlier,” Sam prompted. “Do you… feel like talking about that at all?”

“Uh, it’s dumb. Josh brought —“ he broke off, realizing that he didn’t know who Josh had come out to yet. Sam and Josh were pretty close, but Mike didn’t know what Josh had said to her on the subject of his sexuality. “He brought someone back to our dorm. I walked in on them and uh. It was uncomfortable.”

“Have you talked to him about it? You should let him know if you’re not comfortable with him bringing people to the dorm.”

Mike took a sip of his coffee and shrugged. “It just happened… and I kind of told him I was okay with it already.”

“You’re allowed to change your mind, Mike.” Mike dropped his eyes to his coffee, ashamed.

What the hell had Mike ever done in his life to deserve a friend like Sam? She was right, of course. Or rather, she _would_ be, if it was simply a matter of changing his mind about something so simple. Mike couldn’t very well tell Josh that, actually, he wasn’t okay with guys (specifically) coming over.

“It’s — it’s not my business,” Mike said, half-ignoring and half-answering Sam’s comment. He looked back at up at Sam, who looked both surprised and curious, though she tried to hide her expression with a long drink of her coffee.

“Have you brought anyone back to the dorm?”

Mike shrugged. “Probably once. Since Jess and I ended things at the start of the semester things have been… kinda quiet for me in the love department.”

“And Josh does it a lot, I take it?”

“As far as I know it’s only been the one time… I’m just being an asshole, Sam, it’s fine.”

“Okay,” Sam said, and she didn’t press the subject any further.

Mike returned to his dorm after writing exactly three sentences for his essay. He spent nearly an hour at the library, staring at the blinking cursor on his word processor and mostly thinking about what a shitty person he was. There was still no sock on the doorknob when he got back, so Mike tentatively knocked on the door and called,

“You decent in there?”

“I’m never decent,” Josh’s voice answered from the other side of the thin door, “but I am clothed and alone.” Mike let out a relieved breath. He wasn’t really in the mood to see Josh writhing against some random guy. He opened the door and was greeted by the heady scent of good weed. Josh was spread out on his bed, still shirtless and in low-slung grey sweatpants that showed off his hip bones. A joint dangled loosely between two of Josh’s fingers. Josh caught Mike’s eye and brought the joint to his lips for a long drag.

“Nothing about this is decent,” Mike said, gesturing vaguely to Josh’s exposed chest and hip bones. “You’re an asshole and a goddamn liar.”

Josh snorted, smoke spewing from his nostrils. “Did you mishear me when I said ‘I’m never decent’?” He rolled his hips and settled further into his mussed bedding. Mike watched Josh’s hips roll, reminded of the way Josh had ground himself against that guy’s leg. Mike flushed hot with anger and frustration. He couldn’t come up with a witty retort, and Josh took pity on him. He held the joint in Mike’s direction.

“You want some?” Mike nodded and stepped forward to grab the joint from Josh, but Josh pulled it back just as Mike’s fingers were about to close around it. Mike furrowed his brow at Josh’s lazy half-smile. “I’ll shotgun it to you.”

Mike went a little hot under the collar. He swallowed against the sudden tightness in his throat. Would it be homophobic to say no?

“Okay,” Mike said. Josh sat up straighter on the bed, moving his legs aside to make space for Mike. Mike sat close to Josh, one of his legs folded beneath him and the other dangling over the edge of the bed.

Josh took another drag from the joint, holding eye contact with Mike as he did so. His big eyes were lidded and red, cheeks hollowing ever-so-slightly as he pulled on the joint. Mike swallowed again, his mouth feeling dry despite the fact that he hadn’t smoked at all yet. Josh pulled the joint from his lips and leaned in. His eyes dropped to Mike’s lips. Mike leaned in until his mouth was a hair’s breadth from Josh’s. Josh released the smoke he had been holding in his lungs, and Mike breathed it in dutifully. His eyes fell closed as the smoke tingled along his throat and into his lungs. He could feel Josh’s body heat too well when they were this close. Mike pulled back and exhaled away from Josh, opening his eyes to watch the smoke drift across the room.

Josh’s toes brushed against Mike’s knee, and Mike turned to look at his roommate. His limbs were heavy as he did so; Josh never spared any expense when it came to buying weed. Mike looked at the toes on his knee, then followed the line of Josh’s leg up, past his hips and chest until he was meeting Josh’s lidded gaze again.

“That’s some dank weed, man,” Mike said.

Josh nodded, a slow smile curving his lips. “Fuck yeah.” Josh’s toes slid from Mike’s knee along his calf. Mike watched Josh’s foot, curious what Josh was doing but too sleepy to really try and figure out his intentions. Josh was a bit of an enigma to Mike when he was _sober_.

“Were you mad that I brought Tom here?”

Mike blinked at Josh’s foot. “Who?”

“The guy that was here earlier.”

“Oh,” Mike said. His eyes drifted to Josh’s hip bone. Right. There was a reason Josh was half-naked and looking so damned relaxed, and it wasn’t _just_ the weed. “Nope.”

Josh took another drag on the joint, and Mike could feel Josh’s eyes boring into him, but he refused to meet that intense gaze. Out of the corner of his eye, Mike watched Josh exhale a cloud of thick, curling smoke.

“No?”

Mike gritted his teeth. “No.”

“You looked mad.”

“I wasn’t. I’m not.”

“You sound mad.”

“I’m not mad, Josh! What reason could I have to be mad?” He finally met Josh’s gaze, and he wished he hadn’t. Josh was leaning forward now, the intensity in his eyes far greater than it had felt when Mike hadn’t been meeting them.

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” Josh said.

Mike swallowed and got up from Josh’s bed. It was too early for him to just go to sleep, so instead he grabbed his jacket and walked to the door.

“So you’re just gonna leave?” Josh called from his bed. He sounded hurt, but Mike couldn’t tell him the truth. Mike couldn’t look at him again, because he knew if he saw the hurt in Josh’s eyes he might tell him the truth, and Mike wasn’t ready for that. He opened the door and shut it behind him without looking back. Outside, he leaned against the door, his head swimming with weed and an overwhelming sense of shame.

He really was the worst.

Mike opened up Tinder and flicked through pictures until he matched with someone. He asked her to get a drink, and she said yes. They ended up back at her place, and as they made out on her tiny dorm bed, Mike kept thinking about Josh and the confusion and hurt in his voice as Mike had walked out.

Mike was still distracted and out of it the next day during his weekly math tutoring session with Emily.

“Jesus, Mike, have you memorized this even a little bit? How hard is it to remember that sine squared plus cosine squared equals one? That’s, like, the easiest trigonometric identity that exists. How the hell did you even _pass_ trigonometry?”

Mike blinked at her as her words went entirely over his head. “Yeah, sine and cosine, really gotta remember that.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “If you don’t want to to be serious about this, I have better things to do.”

“Em, come on, you know I won’t get this without your help.”

Emily raised her eyebrows at him and held out her hands in a half-shrug. “Not my problem.”

Mike made a frustrated sound. “Damn it, Em, can you just—“

“Can I just what, Mike? Waste my time on someone who’s just gonna yell at me?”

“I wasn’t trying to yell—“

“But you _were_ , so, same difference.”

Mike sighed, defeated. “I’m sorry. I just… I’m dealing with something and I guess I kind of took it out on you.”

Emily rolled her eyes. “I don’t give a crap what crawled up your ass and died, Mike. Get a hold of yourself. There’s no excuse to be such a raging douchebag.”

She was right, damn it all. Why the hell was she always right? Mike deflated.

“I’m sorry, Em. You’re right.”

“Glad to see you remember _something_ from our time together.”

Emily was right that Mike needed to get a hold of himself. He was treating the people around him like garbage, all because he was feeling like garbage himself. It wasn’t right.

He had to apologize to Josh.

Mike returned to the dorm, but of course Josh wasn’t there. He worried at his lip for a moment before grabbing his phone and sending Josh a text.

_“Hey Josh. I wanted to talk about yesterday.”_

After twenty minutes of pacing the dorm, Mike decided he probably wasn’t getting an answer, and decided to hit the metaphorical pavement and look for Josh.

Mike found Chris before he was able to track down Josh. He was sitting beneath a tree with Ashley, and they were grinning at each other. Ashley playfully batted at Chris’ arm, and Mike chuckled. Maybe they’d figure out their shit someday and get together.

“Hey guys!” Mike greeted as he approached the pair. The smile on Chris’ lips died the moment he looked at Mike.

“Michael,” he said. Mike froze in place and looked wide-eyed over at Ashley, who smiled sheepishly at him.

“Hi Mike.” Chris gave her a sharp look that even Mike could interpret. “ _Don’t fraternize with the enemy_ ,” Chris’ eyes said.

Had Josh figured Mike out and told all their friends that he was a homophobe?

“I, uh, I’m looking for Josh,” Mike said.

“That so?” Chris asked coldly.

Mike looked between Chris and Ashley, but Ashley was now pointedly picking at the grass and not looking at him. Chris’s eyebrows were raised in a “ _what are you gonna do about it_ ” kind of look.

“Uh… yeah… could you tell me where he is? He’s not answering my texts.”

“Maybe that’s because he doesn’t want to see you.”

Mike ran a hand through his hair. “I know. But I want to apologize.”

Chris sighed. “Fine. But if you fuck this up, I will personally hire a hitman off the dark web.” Mike nodded; he didn’t really put it past Chris to do that. “That party Beth’s sorority is throwing tonight? Josh is gonna be there.”

“Thank you.”

Mike spent the rest of the day in the dorm, hoping that Josh might come back in order to get ready for the party so Mike could talk to him in private. Mike wasn’t so lucky.

To distract himself from the growing knot in his stomach, Mike painstakingly groomed himself. He plucked and trimmed his eyebrows, cleaned up his five o’clock shadow, and filed his nails into short, uniform ovals. He opened his dresser and stared at his clothes, not sure what he should wear. The autumn evenings were getting nippy, but the sorority house would no doubt be hot with so many bodies packed into it. He pulled out a fitted black Henley and put it on, then turned to look at himself in the mirror. He made a face and rolled up the sleeves, canting his head to the side. Unsatisfied, he removed the shirt. His nerves were really getting the best of him; he rarely hemmed and hawed over what to wear.

He walked shirtless to the mirror and slapped his cheeks.

“Come on, Mikey boy. You’re gonna apologize to Josh for just walking out yesterday, and everything is gonna go back to normal. You’re gonna get over yourself, and you’re gonna be fine with Josh being gay. And you’re gonna be fine with Josh having dudes over.” His stomach twisted, but this time he didn’t think about the guys he had or hadn’t seen Josh with. This time he thought of Josh’s lips so close to his own, smoke flowing out of Josh’s mouth as Mike inhaled Josh’s exhale. He shook his head to rid himself of the memory that made his heart rate pick up. “And you’re not gonna be mad about dumb shit like _that_ , either.”

His reflection gazed uncertainly back at him. “No. You’re getting your head out of your ass, and you’re going to be an adult. You’re getting over all this bullshit.” He turned away from his reflection before his uncertain expression could refute the confidence of his words.

It took him a while, but Mike eventually settled on the black Henley, unbuttoned over a grey shirt. He pulled on some loose-fitted blue jeans and dark brown boots, then looked indecisively between the his army green coat and a brown leather jacket. The leather went with his shoes, but the green added a nice bit of color to the ensemble. He went with the leather.

He gave himself one final once-over in the mirror before he headed to Beth’s sorority house.

The sorority house was much like every other sorority house on the night of a party: the tall brick building thrummed with dance music, each and every window lit with colorful light that spilled out onto the people outside of the house making out or throwing up in the bushes. Mike paid little attention to these people and bounded up the short flight of steps to the porch. He pushed his way through the congested doorway and followed the flow of people into the living room. He glanced around for Josh and, failing to find him, was about to move on when Beth called his name.

“Mike! Hey, Michael! Over here!” Mike turned to the source of the voice and saw Beth, Jess, and Emily sitting on one of the couches together. He walked over to them and Jess gave him an appreciative once-over.

“You’re looking all dressed up tonight, Michael,” she said. She had a red cup in her hand, and Mike got the feeling it wasn’t her first of the evening. Her words were the tiniest bit slurred, and she was even gigglier than usual. “You talking to Josh tonight?” Emily rolled her eyes. Beth snickered and smacked Jess’ arm lightly.

“Jess!” she chided quietly.

Mike glanced between the three of them. “Uh, yeah. How did you know that?”

“Josh told me,” Beth said. Mike sighed; of course Chris had told Josh that Mike wanted to talk to him. Chris was too good of a friend to let Josh walk into that blind.

“Well, do you know where he is?”

“No,” Beth started to say, but Emily cut in with,

“I saw him in the kitchen not too long ago.”

Beth leaned past Jessica to glare at Emily.

“Thanks,” Mike said, and he walked off without waiting to hear whatever drama was about to unfold between the three girls.

The kitchen was crowded and writhing with people, as kitchens always were during a party. People liked to be close to the source of booze. Amongst the crowd, Mike spied Matt juggling four very full cups, attempting not to get jostled by the crowd as he made his way in Mike’s direction. Sam and Hannah sat atop one of the counters as they laughed with Ashley and Chris. Mike furrowed his brow. Where the hell was Josh? He scanned the room again and — there he was. Josh was pressed up against a counter as he sucked face with yet another guy Mike didn’t know. Mike froze in place as he watched Josh run his hand up the guy’s back and into his hair, breaking off from his lips to kiss at his jaw and neck. Mike gritted his teeth and tried to calm down. He had no right to be angry about this. Josh’s other hand slid down to the guy’s ass and Mike could see the firmness of his grip even from this distance. He had no reason to be upset, he told himself. No reason at all.

“Get over yourself, Mike,” he whispered out loud, and it was as if Josh had heard him from across the crowded, noisy kitchen. He looked up and met Mike’s gaze. Mike’s breath caught in his throat, and Josh _smirked_ at him. He turned his face into the guy’s neck, still maintaining eye contact with Mike, and licked a line from the dude’s collar up to his jaw. The guy tightened his arms around Josh and brought him back in to kiss him again. Josh went willingly, eyes still on Mike.

Mike shook with rage. Without thinking, he marched across the kitchen and grabbed the guy by the shoulder, giving it a rough tug so he had to pull away from Josh.

“Yo, what the fuck?” the guy snapped. Mike smiled tightly at him.

“I have to talk to Josh.” The guy shrugged Mike’s hand off and turned back to Josh.

“It’s okay, Brad. We can pick this up later.” Brad glared at Mike as he stormed off.

Mike glared at Josh. Josh’s smirking lips were red and swollen, and his pupils were dilated, turning his big eyes nearly black.

“ _Brad_? Really?”

Josh laughed. “He’s not a bad guy, Mike.”

“Sure. Look I’m— I’m here to apologize.”

Josh nodded. He folded his arms and leaned back against the counter. “That’s what Chris said.”

“Yeah, so… I’m sorry that I just walked out yesterday. That wasn’t cool. It was really shitty and immature.”

Josh pursed his lips and narrowed his eyes at Mike. “You gonna tell me why you were mad?”

Mike swallowed. Of course this came up. Why wouldn’t it? He was a moron for thinking he could just say sorry and everything would be okay.

“I wasn’t mad,” he tried.

“Jesus _fucking_ Christ Munroe, seriously? Do I look like a fucking idiot?”

“No,” Mike said quietly.

“What?” Josh yelled over the music.

“No! I don’t think you’re an idiot!”

“Then can you explain to me why you keep treating me like one?”

Mike felt eyes on his back, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of Josh. He came here to apologize, but Josh didn’t seem to be interested in hearing him out. Josh was being completely unfair. Why was he treating Josh like an idiot? Maybe because Josh kept _playing_ one.

“You — you clearly know why I’m mad!” he shouted. “The way you were looking at me when you were sucking face with fucking _Brad_! Obviously you already know what’s going on! Why do you keep asking me why I’m mad if you already know?”

Josh stood straighter and unfolded his arms, hands clenching at his sides. “Because I want to hear you _say it,_ Mike!”

Mike opened his mouth to admit his shame. He wanted to scream it at Josh, because clearly that’s what Josh wanted. But his traitorous tongue wouldn’t form the words. “I—I can’t! I can’t fucking say it. Can’t we just… can’t we just accept that everyone knows what’s going on and move on from there?”

Josh barked an incredulous laugh. “Ser-seriously? How the fuck are we supposed to move forward if you won’t admit what you’re feeling?”

“Look I… I’ll apply to get a new roommate. I can start seeing someone—“ Josh’s scoff cut Mike off short. He threw his arms in the air, voice dripping with sarcasm, and said,

“Wow, what a perfect solution to this issue!”

“Well do you have any better ideas?” Mike snapped.

“Yeah, Mike, I do. You could just be fucking honest. Just… tell me the truth about how you feel about me.” Josh’s voice went a little quiet at the end, as if some of the anger had drained out of him. He looked at Mike with something like a glimmer of hope. Hope for what, exactly? That the honest answer wouldn’t be, “I’m a homophobe and I hate you, Josh”? Mike felt like crying. He and Josh had finally become friends, and Mike had loved it. He loved spending time with Josh. Josh was funny and kind, even if he could be a bit of an asshat. And Mike just had to ruin it by being literal human garbage.

“I can’t,” he said, voice breaking the tiniest bit. “I can’t.” He turned and walked away, ignoring the way that Josh shouted his name over the heavy bass of the music.

Josh didn’t come back to the dorm that night, not that Mike had been expecting him to. He wasn’t there in the morning as Mike lied in his bed, staring at Josh’s empty one. He was such a fuck up.

He stayed in bed, wallowing in self-hatred and self-pity, until almost noon. Even then, the only reason he pulled himself from his misery nest was the knock at his door. He trudged to the door and cracked it open.

“Mike?” Sam said. Through the crack, Mike could see just one of her eyes, brimming with concern. God. Of course it had to be Sam. Sweet, considerate Sam, whose sympathy Mike didn’t deserve. “Mike, can I come in?”

Mike sighed and opened the door all the way. She gave him a pitying once-over.

“I assume you heard about what happened,” Mike said, walking back to his bed to sit amongst the disheveled blankets. Sam shut the door and sat beside him.

“I saw the fight. Everyone did.”

Mike grimaced and held his face in his hands. “Great.”

“Mike I… I know I said I wouldn’t pry, but I’m really worried. Will you please talk to me?”

Mike couldn’t keep this charade going. His friends would learn the truth sooner or later, and there wasn’t any point in dragging this out any more.

“Sam I’m… I’m a fucking homophobe.”

Sam was silent, shocked by the admission. Mike dared a glance at her, and her mouth was slightly agape as she stared at him. “Are you… sure about that?” she asked finally.

“Obviously I’m fucking sure. This has been eating at me for _weeks_ , Sam.”

“O… kay… just…” She pressed her lips together and glanced down, uncertain what to say. Damn her. Still trying to be gentle with Mike after he had admitted something so terrible. “What exactly makes you think you’re a homophobe?”

Mike so did not want to get into the gory details of this. It was bad enough that Sam knew the truth at all; he didn’t want her to know the minutia of what a terrible person he was. But she was looking at him with such compassion that he couldn’t refuse her.

“I just get so mad any time I see Josh with a guy. Like… seeing red kind of mad. Even — even thinking about it pisses me off. Like, last night, when he was making out with what’s-his-face. I kind of wanted to punch the dude.”

“You wanted to punch Josh?”

“No, I wanted to punch fuck face. Brad or whatever. And — can you believe that? _Brad_ ? He was making out with someone named _Brad_.”

“So… you get mad when you see or think about Josh with a guy, and you want to punch the guy he kissed last night, but you didn’t want to punch Josh. Am I keeping up?”

“Yeah. God, I’m such an asshole,” Mike said. Hearing the recap from someone else was even worse than listing it out to himself.

“Is there anything else?”

Mike frowned. “Does there really need to be more?”

Sam actually kind of smiled at him. “Well… do you feel that way when you see other gay couples? Like me and Hannah? Or your mom and the women she dates?”

“I mean… no. But there’s plenty of guys that are fine with lesbians and not okay with gay men. Which… fuck, I’m an even worse kind of homophobe than I thought. I’m the kind with a shitty double standard, fuck, this is so fucked up.”

“Wait, wait, Mike, slow down,” Sam said, putting her hand on Mike’s shoulder. “I don’t — I don’t think you’re a homophobe.”

Mike blinked at her. “What? Why the hell else would I get mad when I see Josh with guys?”

“Okay, let’s do a quick experiment. You remember how Josh went out with Jeanie Simmons for like a week in eleventh grade?”

“Yeah, they made out every second their mouths weren’t occupied with something else.”

“Right! So just… do me a favor and think about them making out for a second."

Mike did as she requested. It wasn’t hard to pull up a memory of the two of them lip-locked; Mike had seen Josh push Jeanie up against almost every locker in school. At the time, he’d hardly batted an eye at their antics. Remembering it now, though, a familiar twisting started up in his gut.

“How do you feel?” Sam asked.

“Not… great…” Mike narrowed his eyes at Sam. “What was the point of this thought exercise?”

Sam’s smile said “ _I am so glad you asked, Michael.”_

“I don’t think you’re a homophobe, Mike. I’m pretty sure you’re just jealous.”

Mike blinked at her. He must have misheard. “You think I’m… jealous.”

“Over Josh, yeah.”

“Sam, I’m not gay.”

Sam tilted her head, looking a little confused. “Didn’t say you were.”

“Okay, you said that I’m into Josh though, which I can’t be, because I’m not gay.”

Sam bit her lip. “Oh… Michael…” she took his hand. “I think we have a lot to discuss.”

It was a long conversation. Mike had obviously heard of bisexuality as a concept before, and his mother had always encouraged him to explore his sexuality, but he liked girls (a _lot_ ) and figured that was that. He had never entertained the possibility of being with a guy, because he had always been happy being with girls. Sam gently reminded him of various close friendships he’d had through his life, not outright stating that they were boys Mike had had a crush on, but a suggestion that he might want to think on. (“Remember Kyle? How annoyed you were whenever he talked about his crush on Beth?”) The evidence mounted until Mike couldn’t really deny it anymore.

“Okay, so maybe I like guys sometimes,” he said. “And… I guess that… I’m pretty into Josh.”

Saying the words out loud made a lot of stuff make sense. Being around Josh had been so easy and made him so happy. Mike had always thought that Josh was good looking, but told himself that it was objective fact that Josh had beautiful eyes, that his crooked smile was devastatingly charming, and that his slow manner of speaking was tortuously sexy, and it was totally normal for a guy to notice these things about a friend.

“So… you gonna talk to him?” Sam asked.

“I guess I have to.” He groaned. “How the hell am I supposed to explain that I mistook my jealousy for homophobia? That just — it sounds fake. And how am I supposed to get him to talk to me? He’s probably pissed as hell.”

“I can try to convince him to let you explain,” Sam offered. Mike nodded, feeling a little pathetic. Sam patted his arm and wished him luck before she took her leave.

Mike paced for a minute before he called Josh. It rang once, and then went to voicemail. Mike wasn’t sure what else he expected.

“Hey, this is Josh’s phone… why are you _calling_ me…? It’s 2013… we have like… text messaging and stuff… Mom… if this is you, _please_ just text me… I’ve told you a hundred times that I’m not going to listen to your voicemails… if you just text me, I can get back to you _way_ faster. Honestly, that goes for everyone. There’s literally _never_ going to be a reason that I would answer a voicemail faster than a text…. seriously, _never_ . So, for the love of god, just hit that little ‘end call’ button for me and shoot me a text instead…” There was a long stretch of silence, and then, “Okay, so you haven’t hung up yet. I’m not sure _why_. Like… really… why are you still listening to this? Aren’t you bored? Is it really so vital to you that you leave me a voice message over a text one? Did you die while listening to this? I gotta say… now you got me curious. You lasted this long so… go ahead and leave me a message, I guess. Maybe I’ll even listen to it, to reward your patience. But probably not.”

The beep played at last.

“Josh! Hey. I just — god, I’m so fucking sorry about last night. You don’t owe me the chance to explain myself, but I would really, really appreciate if you would hear me out. Please text me. I don’t want things to end because of a misunderstanding.”

Mike hit end call, and then texted Josh for good measure.

“ _I know you probably won’t listen to my voicemail because you’re mad at me. But please, just give me the chance to explain myself. I swear, it’s not what you think. I’m sorry._ ”

Mike knew the chances that he’d get a response were slim. Unless Sam was able to work her magic and convince Josh to talk to him, Mike knew Josh might never speak to him again. So, Mike settled in for a day of anxiety and anticipation. He played out the conversation probably too many times in his head (and with his mirror). In some scenarios, it ended with dramatic, romantic confessions and a passionate kiss. Others ended with more yelling, or Josh rejecting him. In some of them, Josh laughed at him. In one, Josh refused to believe him.

Mike worked himself damn near into a panic by the time he heard the lock of the door click. His breath caught in his throat and the door opened slowly enough to give Mike the chance to come up with a new scenario — Josh wasn’t on the other side of the door, and it was just Chris there to deliver Josh’s message of “Fuck off, Munroe, I never want to see you again.” That scenario was proved impossible as the door opened fully to reveal Josh. Despite the deep bags under Josh’s eyes and the sad look in his expression, relief washed over Mike. He was _here_ , and Mike had a chance to explain himself.

“You came,” he said. Josh shrugged, still hovering in the doorway.

“Haven’t decided if I’m sticking around yet,” he said. The implication was clear: get on with it, Munroe.

“I’m really sorry about last night,” Mike said.

“So you said in both your text and voicemail.” Mike smiled to himself. Josh had listened to the voicemail. It was a small thing, but a triumph was a triumph.

“And I’m saying it in person because I really, really mean it. This whole thing is… a really big misunderstanding.”

Josh blinked at Mike. “What did I misunderstand?” He had sounded simply tired before, but now there was a nervous edge to Josh’s voice.

“No, I’m actually pretty sure you understood the situation better than I did. I was… look, it was obvious to you and everyone else that I was really fucking jealous and not dealing with it very well.”

“Okay… so what was the misunderstanding?”

Mike put both of his hands on his chest for emphasis. “ _I_ didn’t realize that I was jealous.”

After a long pause Josh said, “What?”

“Well I… I thought that the reason I got mad any time I saw you with a guy was that I was being homophobic.” Mike laughed at how unbelievably thick-headed he had been. Looking back, he had no idea how he had convinced himself that he was a homophobe. All signs pointed to jealousy, and yet…

“You… _what_?”

“Yeah,” Mike said on a laugh. “Ridiculous, right? Everyone knew except for me.”

Josh’s mouth was open, and he blinked rapidly at Mike. “So… when I was asking you to admit how you felt about me…”

“I thought you were asking me to admit that I was a homophobe.”

Josh finally left the doorway and sat down on his bed. “What the fuck, Mike.”

Mike laughed again, because at this point he wasn’t sure what else he was supposed to do. He walked over to Josh’s bed and sat next to him slowly, giving Josh time to tell him not to sit. Josh didn’t say anything, so Mike settled in next to him.

“Josh, I really like you,” Mike said. He brushed his fingertips against Josh’s knee. Josh turned to look at him. There was a spark of curiosity in his eyes as he searched Mike’s face.

“Yeah? Prove it.” Josh stuck out his chin in a challenging look. Mike swallowed. He knew what Josh was expecting here.

He brought up a hand to Josh’s jaw and grazed his fingers against the soft skin there. Josh leaned into the touch, keeping eye contact with Mike as he did so. Mike drifted closer to Josh, remembering idly when Josh had shotgunned him weed just a few days previous.

“How bad did you want to kiss me when we shotgunned the other day?” Mike asked, breath ghosting across Josh’s lips.

“Are you just planning to blue ball me for eternity?” Josh asked.

“Would you wait that long for me?”

Josh rolled his eyes and opened his mouth for some presumably witty retort, and Mike closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to Josh’s. Josh sighed into Mike’s mouth as if finally kissing him was a huge relief. Mike felt similarly. All the residual anger he had been holding onto dissipated as he kissed Josh. He didn’t have to be angry now, because Josh was at last his. Josh wound his arms around Mike, and Mike held Josh tightly.

He wouldn’t be letting go any time soon.

**Author's Note:**

> this is based on [this viral story](https://www.gaystarnews.com/article/straight-guy-worries-hes-homophobic-gay-roommate-ends-falling-love/#gs.EKl4t9k)! If you hadn't guessed that already lmao
> 
> Josh's email is a reference to [this work of art](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l7iVsdRbhnc). I know a school would have sent roommates their new roomies school email but that detail was ignored for comedy's sake


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